YORKSHIRE JOKES

 

 YOU'VE GOT TO DO THE ACCENT !

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the  vet.
Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee  about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it  with us."
 
 
 
A  Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a  gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog  by.
Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon  dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18  carat?"
Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer  daft bugger!"
 
 
A  Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should  have the words "she were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the  stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.  
When the widower gets there he takes one look at  the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin". He explodes -  fooking 'ell man, you've left the fooking "e" out, you've left the fooking  "e" out!
The stone mason apologises and assures the poor  widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes  and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put  the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at  the stone and then reads out aloud -
"E, she were thin".  
 
 
 
Bloke from  Barnsley with a sore arsehole asks chemist "Nah then lad,  does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, magnum or  cornetto?" 

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