1) NUDITY I
was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening
when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved.
She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my
5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't
wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS On
the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a
note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by
this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP A
woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During
her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter
to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to
you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY
little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks,
with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little
boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter,
haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE 1 While
taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and
down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,'
I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I
ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes,
that's right,' I told her. 'Well,
then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you
please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE 2 It was
the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the
station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was
barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog
you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied. Puzzled,
the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van.
Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY While working
for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I
used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She
was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found
her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I
braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she
merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe
8) DRESS-UP A little
girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw
her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't
wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?' 'You know that it
always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH While walking
along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard
the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt.
Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a
dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they
had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and
made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son
was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous
dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always
said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into
the hole he goooes.' (I want
this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL A little
girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just
wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't
write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE A
little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he
fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of
the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw
was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mama,
look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I
think it's Adam's underwear!'