~ RETIREMENT ~ And They Ask Why I Like Retirement !!!
Question:
How many days in a week?
Question:
When is a retiree's bedtime?
Question:
How many retirees to change a
light bulb?
Question:
What's the biggest gripe of
retirees?
Question:
Why don't retirees mind being
called Seniors?
Question:
Among retirees what is
considered formal attire?
Question:
Why do retirees count pennies?
Question:What
is the common term for
someone who enjoys work and
refuses to retire?
Question:
Why are retirees so slow to
clean out the basement,
attic or garage?
Question:
What do retirees call a long
lunch?
Question:
What is the best way
to describe retirement? Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
And, my very favourite.... QUESTION: What do you do all week? Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest. SERENITY
Just before the funeral services,
the undertaker came up to the very
elderly widow and asked, "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it? Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs. I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass
surgeries, a hip
replacement,
new knees, fought
prostate cancer and
diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything
quieter than a jet
engine,
take 40 different
medications that
make me dizzy, winded,
and subject to
blackouts.
Have bouts with
dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and
feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85
or 92.
Have lost all my
friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's
license.
I feel like my body has
gotten totally out of
shape,
so I got my doctor's
permission to
I decided to take an
aerobics class for
seniors.
I bent, twisted,
gyrated, jumped up and
down, and perspired for
an hour. But,
by the time I got my
leotards on,
An elderly woman decided
to prepare her will and
told her preacher she
had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be
cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes
scattered over Walmart.
"Why Walmart?"
My memory's not as sharp
as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent
sagging?
Just eat till the
wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you
start making the same
noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half
the stuff THE SENILITY PRAYER:
Grant me the senility to
forget the people
the good fortune to run
into the ones I do, and Always Remember This: |