Grandparent's Humour

Thought you grandparents (and others) would enjoy a few of these !

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She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before.
After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!"
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "62."
He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?
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After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.
As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,  putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside  on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?"

I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied.
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A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
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I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colours yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what colour it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued.   At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"


When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.

Still, a few fireflies followed us in.   Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

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A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today."

The grandmother, more than a little  surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl
"You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'"

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Children's Logic:
"Give me a sentence about a  public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him.
"Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
Reminds me of a couple of MY experiences (MANY years ago):
A friends young son (now an adult), when visiting and looking in my garage, remarked "where's the mine".   I was confused until his dad remarked "no son, I told you there was a PIT in Melvin's garage".

While walking our dog I came across a small local lad in wellies - he was kicking a black Labrador type dog (a mongrel).  I remarked "if you kick that dog again - I'll kick you".
He turned, looked at me in amazement, and replied "it's OUR dog".
I'm afraid that I had to turn away and laugh !       Mel Ashton

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.  The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close.
"They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."