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MURPHY'S LAWS Murphy’s Laws are a set of maxims, that seems to fill all the gaps between actual laws ‘i.e. Laws of Physics etc’ and other behavioural rules and regulations governing - and explaining - human
behaviour. If anything can go wrong – it will. Nothing
is ever as simple as it first seems. Whatever
you want to do, you will have to do something else first, in other
words… You
cant just ‘do’ anything. Everything
you decide to do, always costs more money than you estimate. Everything
takes longer than you expect. If
you improve or tinker with something long enough, it will eventually
break. It
is a fundamental law of nature, that nothing ever quite works out. It
is much easier to get into something, than it is to get out of it. If
you explain something so clearly, that no one can misunderstand it,
someone will. Any
time things seem to be going better, you’ve overlooked something. Nothing
is impossible, for a man who doesn’t have to do it himself. There’s
no such thing as a free lunch. O’Toole’s Rule…. Murphy was an optimist Other
Similar Rules etc. .......... Murphy’s
Law of Thermodynamics. Things
always get worse under pressure. Finagle’s
first law. Small
falling objects, will always descend into the least accessible place, Finagle’s fourth Law. Once
a job is fouled up, anything done to improve the situation will always
make matters worse. Sattinger’s
First Law. It
works better if you plug it in. Sattinger’s
Reciprocal Law of Selective Gravity. If
dropping something doesn’t matter, you won’t drop it, Sattinger’s
Non Reciprocal Law of Expectation. Negative
expectations yield negative results, Bolling’s
Postulate. If you’re feeling good, don’t worry, you’ll get over it ! Gumperson’s
Law. The probability of
something working, is in inverse proportion to it’s desirability. Marshall’s
Generalised Iceberg Theorem. Seven
eighths of everything cant be seen. Lumbarky’s
Law of Cybernetic Entomology. There’s
always one more bug. Shaw’s
Principle. Build
a system that is foolproof and only a fool will want to use it. Watson’s
Law. The reliability of equipment is inversely
proportional to the number and the significance of the spectators. Lowery’s
Law. If
it jams – force it, if it breaks – it needed replacing anyway. Cahn’s
Axiom. When all else fails, read the instructions. Jenkinson’s
Law. It won’t work! William’s
and Holland’s Law. If
enough data is collected, anything may be proven with statistics. Ian’s
reciprocal Law of Indelibility. If needs marking temporarily, it will be permanent. If it needs marking permanently, it won’t last. William’s
and Holland’s Second Law. Eighty per cent of all statistics are made on the spur of the moment – just like this one was. Rule
of Accuracy. When
working towards the solution of a problem, Young’s
Law. All
great discoveries are made by mistake. Cartwright’s
Corollary. The
greater the funding, the longer it will take to make it. Parkinson’s
Sixth Law. The progress of science varies inversely with the
number of journals published. Meskimen’s
Law. There’s never time to do it right, but there’s
always time to do it again. Jones’
Law. The man who can smile when things go wrong, has
thought of someone to blame it on. Wilkinson’s
Watchwords. An expert is a person who avoids the small mistakes
while sweeping on to the grand fallacy. Hartley’s
Second Law. Never sleep with someone crazier than you are. Katz’
Corollary. Men and nations will act rationally when all other
possibilities have been exhausted. Jones’
Motto. Friends come and go but enemies accumulate. The Peter
Principle of Probability. With a 50% chance of success, you will probably get
it 100% wrong. McLaughry’s
Codicil to Jones’ Motto. To make an enemy, do a friend a favour. The
definition of an Expert. Ex – A has-been. Spert – A little drip under pressure. The definition of a Specialist. A man who learns more and more about less and less, |