One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife
dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred,
"and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
**************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the
house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of
her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack,
beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she
said. "Just get out"
**************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always
right, and the other is a husband.
**************************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DLV to apply for a
driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The
optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
**************************************************
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to
them, "I must tell you all something. We have a
case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so
tired of chardonnay."
**************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter!
Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them!
TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are
we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going
to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You
NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn
them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?
Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to
salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong
with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of
eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show
you what it feels like when I'm driving."