One day, leaning on the bar in Lofthouse Gate
WMC, Mel says to Richard
"My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better
see a Doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the
surgery," Richard replied. "There's a new
diagnostic computer at Tesco in Outwood. Just give it a
urine sample and the computer will tell you
what's wrong, and what to do about it. It only
takes ten seconds and only costs a pound ..... a
lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get
Tesco card points."
So Mel collects a urine sample in a small jar
and takes it to Tesco in Outwood. He inserts a pound coin
and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot
and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer
ejects a printout.
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve
in two weeks."
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new
technology was, Mel began wondering if the
computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine
samples from his wife and daughter and the cat,
and masturbated into the mixture for good
measure.
Mel hurried back to Tesco, eager to
check what would happen. He inserted a pound
coin, poured in his concoction, and awaited the
results.
The computer printed the following:-
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water
softener.
2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet.
3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with
anti-fungal shampoo.
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her
into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't
yours. Get a lawyer.
6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself,
your elbow will never get better
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.
TESCO - OUTWOOD (Wakefield)
Marvellous what
can be obtained from DNA samples ! (Mel)