One day, leaning on the bar at the Rose & Crown, Lofthouse, Mel says to John "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!"

"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," John replies. "There's a new diagnostic computer at Morrisons in Hunslet. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It only takes ten seconds and only costs a pound .....  a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Morrisons card points."

So Mel collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Morrisons. He inserts a pound coin and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout.

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks."

Thank you for shopping at Morrisons.

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That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Mel began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and the cat, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurried back to Morrisons, eager to check what would happen. He inserted a pound coin, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results.

The computer printed the following:-

1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet.
3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better

Thank you for shopping at Morrisons.

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MORRISONS - HUNSLET
 

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Marvellous what can be obtained from DNA samples !  (Mel)