One day, leaning on the bar in the Victoria pub, Mel says to the manager Christine "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a Doctor!"

"Listen, don't waste your time down at the surgery," Christine replied. "There's a new diagnostic computer at Thorne Co-op. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it. It only takes ten seconds and only costs a pound .....  a lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get Co-op card points."

So Mel collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the Co-op. He inserts a pound coin and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout.

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks."

Thank you for shopping at Thorne Co-op.

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That evening, on his boat 'Castaway', while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Mel began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter and the cat, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Mel hurried back to the Co-op, eager to check what would happen. He inserted a pound coin, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results.

The computer printed the following:-

1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet.
3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better

Thank you for shopping at Thorne Co-op.

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THORNE CO-OP

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Marvellous what can be obtained from DNA samples !  (Mel)