One day, leaning on the bar, Stuart says to Melvin
"My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better
see a Doctor!"
"Listen, don't waste your time down at the
surgery," Melvin replies. "There's a new
diagnostic computer at Stanley Co-op. Just give it a
urine sample and the computer will tell you
what's wrong, and what to do about it. It only
takes ten seconds and only costs a pound ..... a
lot quicker and better than a doctor and you get
Co-op card points."
So Stuart collects a urine sample in a small jar
and takes it to the Co-op. He inserts a pound coin
and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot
and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer
ejects a printout.
"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm
water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve
in two weeks."
Thank you for shopping at Stanley Co-op.
That evening while thinking how amazing this new
technology was, Stuart began wondering if the
computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine
samples from his wife and daughter and the cat,
and masturbated into the mixture for good
measure.
Stuart hurried back to the Co-op, eager to
check what would happen. He inserted a pound
coin, poured in his concoction, and awaited the
results.
The computer printed the following:-
1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water
softener.
2) Your cat's having kittens. Get a vet.
3) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with
anti-fungal shampoo.
4) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her
into rehab.
5) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't
yours. Get a lawyer.
6) And if you don't stop playing with yourself,
your elbow will never get better
Thank you for shopping at Stanley Co-op.
STANLEY CO-OP
Marvellous what
can be obtained from DNA samples ! (Mel)