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~ Some Jewish Jokes ~
A reporter goes to Israel to cover the fighting. She is
looking for something emotional and positive and of human
interest. Something like that guy in Sarajevo who risked his
life to play the cello everyday in In Jerusalem, she heard about an old Jew who had been going to the Wailing Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She goes to the Wailing Wall and there he is! So she watches him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turns to leave, she approaches him for an interview. "Rebecca Smith, CNN News. Sir, how long have you been coming to the Wall and praying?" "For about 50 years." "What do you pray for?" "For peace between the Jews and the Arabs. For all the hatred to stop. For our children to grow up in safety and friendship." "How do you feel after doing this for 50 years?" "Like I'm talking to a f**King wall."
A Jewish man sits next to two Arab men on a flight
from New York to Miami. The Jewish man kicks off his
shoes. Meanwhile, one of the Arabs says he would
like a coke. Since he was by the aisle, the Jewish
man says, "I'll get it for you," and goes off in his
stockinged feet. While he was gone, one of the Arab
men spit into the Jewish fellow's left shoe. Later,
the other Arab man says that he too would like a
coke, and the Jewish man goes off to fetch it. This
time, his right shoe gets spitted into. A Jewish woman and small son at the seaside. she says "Now don't go too far into the sea, Hershel, stay safe." then a huge unexpected wave sweeps the kid out to sea. She cries out "Oh, mine Hershel, please save him God, if you save my Hershie, I promise to keep the Rules, observe Shabbas and never miss synagogue ever again, I promise to be a good Jew!!" So a huge wave appeared again and this time picked up the child and deposited him unharmed at his mother's feet. She looked down at him, then, turning her gaze heavenward, she says "God, when you took him the first time, he had a hat." A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. "Wonderful! What part is it?" replies his mother. The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls "That's terrible. Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part." A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and that he is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know? The Jewish mother replies, "I don't like her." |