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GRIPE SHEETS After every flight, pilots fill in a form called a Gripe Sheet, which conveys to the mechanics, details about any problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight. This information is read by the aircraft mechanics, who then take corrective action and respond in writing on the lower half of the form providing details of any remedial action taken. The pilot then reviews the gripe sheet before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews and aircraft engineers lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Quantas pilots and the solutions recorded by the aircraft engineers and ground crews.
By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident!
P = Problem reported by the pilot. S = Solution and action taken by the engineers.
P: Left inner front tyre almost needs replacing. S: almost replaced left inner front tyre.
P: Test flight OK except Auto–Land very rough. S: Auto-Land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit.
P: Dead bugs on windscreen. S: Live bugs on back order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent. S: No Fault Found, Could not reproduce problem in the hanger.
P: Evidence of leak on right front landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME (Distance Measuring Equipment) volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to a more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That’s what they’re there for.
P: IFF (Identification Friend or Foe) Inoperative. S: IFF is always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windscreen. S: Suspect you’re right.
P: Number three engine missing. S: Number three engine found on right wing of aircraft after a brief search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up and fly right and be serious.
P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel, sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer. S: Took hammer away from midget. |