To all my Friends & Family:

I am letting you know before you hear it from anyone else, or on the news, or through the in internet rumour mill, that I have been contacted by a woman who alleges that I am the father of her child.

I do not know whether she wishes to substantiate this by means of a DNA test, however she has sent me a photograph of the child, which bears a very strong & undeniable resemblance to me.

On the basis of this photographic evidence I have decided to begin paying child support.